it seems almost surreal that this day has come...and gone! i was expecting a shift, a pause, a break in time and space, a moment, something that would make April 17th feel different than April 18th.
i arrived in the lecture hall the same time as I always did, entered through the back doors and made my way down the center aisle towards my usual seat. i have sat in the the same seat to take exams for almost two years, which seems perfectly normal to me, but clearly not everybody follows that same pattern. so as I enter the back of the lecture hall, the last time I will enter the lecture hall for an exam, I glance to my left to insure MY seat is there. it is, BUT someone is in the seat right next to mine! so, I know it’s surprisingly, but that’s one of my idiosyncrasies, Can you believe that I have more than one...don’t answer that. I don’t like having someone sitting right next to me. Well, thankfully he moved and now all is right in my world. I settle into my routine, take out my two mechanical pencils (have to be prepared in case one runs out of lead), my eraser and open my protein bar (don’t want to disturb my classmates by fumbling with my wrapper in the middle of the exam) and get ready for what will be my last exam as a second year medical student. my last exam in this lecture hall. CRAZY!! oh, of course, like clockwork he arrives 15 minutes late for the exam! what makes one person hypervigilent about being on time and another seemingly hypervigilent about being late, FOR EVERY SINGLE EXAM! he, as usual, casually walks into the lecture, shoulders hunched, almost shuffling, just like he has done for every exam. gives the odd half smile or smirk and saunters to a seat, directly behind me! this has got to be my punishment, my test upon a test, to have to deal with what is possibly one of the most irritating people in my class. none the less I try to put it out of my mind, telling myself to focus on my exams and slowly will myself to return to the task of getting focused for my exams.
throughout the coarse of the exam, he gets up 3 times to go to the bathroom. who does that? how could he possibly have to pee that many times? I guess one would say “why am I even concerned with him”, good question? I wish I could let it go, not have it register with me, but I find it so difficult. he has managed to snowball our class into believing he is an upstanding, honest, self-less individual when I know first hand that he is everything but that. I have personally watched him be dishonest, undermining, self-serving and manipulative. I keep telling myself that he will get what is coming to him, but it still doesn’t prevent me from being disgusted by the very sight of him. even now, I should be focusing on my exam and yet I’m watching him saunter through the lecture hall to go to the bathroom for the 3rd time in 2 hours!! seems suspicious to me, especially since I know exactly what he is capable of. FOCUS!!!
four exams and a little over 3 hours later I double check all my exams and scantrons. I quietly gather my pencils and eraser, slowly rise from my chair insuring it doesn’t swivel and slam into the desk, quietly zip up my back pack and begin the walk towards the front of the lecture hall. wow, am I really done? two years of medical school over. I remember vividly the first day of orientation. I sat in a different seat then. oddly enough I maintained that seat for actual lecture time but had a different one for exams. you think I’m too rigid, too predictable? my anatomy professor would say so. In passing, he mentioned “you probably sit in the same seat for exams don’t you”, and this was almost one year after I had finished his course. sadly enough he was right. I wonder if that is a window into what specialty I will decide to pursue? wouldn’t it be great to correlate one’s seat choice, and whether it remained consistent, with what specialty a student decided to pursue. that would certainly ease some of the angst I have right now. probably not likely.
anyway, backpack slung over my right shoulder, I slowly walk down the lecture hall steps and advance towards the front of the lecture hall. I openly smile, very rare for me on exam days, and hand in my exams and scantrons. my professor returns my smile, congratulates me and I slowly head towards the door. I gently ease the door open, catch the handle on the other side and insure it closes slowly. Done!
I always imagined this day would generate more emotions. figured it would feel like sprinting the last 1/4 mile of a race or digging deep to finish the last 1 minuter / round of a tkd fight but it wasn’t. there was no big weight taken off my shoulder, no big sigh of relief, no breakdown or major revelation and I certainly didn’t fell like I had amassed all this knowledge that now I was “ready” to enter my 3rd year of medical school. I passed my classmates in the hall comparing answers, “what did you put for X”, “I put X” and walked up the back stairs to the Library. I had made plans to meet friends, not just classmates but friends, in front of the lecture after the exam. we were going to celebrate!!
April 17, 2009...24 hours...1440 minutes later...I’m now an OMS III.
Now what?!
1 comment:
it seems like forever since we last spoke and yet your habits seem to be the same. =)congratulations on completing your 2nd year. when i first met you, i knew you were destined for greatness. two years later, you are on your way there. congrats again.
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