like clockwork...

one week before my M2 year is scheduled to start and the sleepless nights have begun. sometimes i have such a hard time stilling my mind and my thoughts? i’ve had a good summer...a great summer, with no regrets. i had the chance to relax, spend some quiet time with myself and make much needed and overdue road trips to see my family and friends. spent a few days with my grandmother...she is so cute! I went out to dinner with my cousin and when i got back to her apartment she had made the pull-out couch for me and put out an extra pair of bedroom slippers...pink and comfy ones! at almost 90 years old, she is my hero. so strong, so committed to family, a mother and nurturer in every sense of the word. i hope to be half the woman, mother and grandmother that she has been. i’m going to surprise her at the end of august for her 90th birthday party...i can’t wait. i love my gran! i got to visit two college friends in PA..truly a blessing to see them! it was as if no time had passed. they are genuinely good people...loving to the core. they have stood by me, held my hand, hugged me and cried with me through some crazy, trying times...thank you for always being there! i love you guys! if you happen to read this...get a facebook page :). it was so mentally and emotionally rejuvenating to sit and enjoy stories and laughs with family and friends. that time can not be replaced and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. you know, as last year was winding down i struggled with how and what to do with my summer. do something medically related, get a job just to make money, do research, etc...turns out the best decision i made was to do “nothing”. this is exactly the summer that i needed. will it come back to haunt me, i don’t know, i guess only time will tell...although i really doubt it. I got to watch my boy swim, run around off-leash, chase tennis balls...his summer has been just as priceless as mine. thank you to the cape cod natives for a fabulous weekend...enjoying the beach, relaxing in the backyard, and sharing stories. anyway, back to my sleepless nights..as usual i digressed. maybe that’s why i can’t sleep...from one thought process to the next. what keeps me up at night? financial aid..will my loans be funded on time? i’ve been told by my lender that funding is delayed by 10-15 days and then my school needs time to process and cut a check. will i have it in time for september rent? what about other financial obligations that are coming due within the next two weeks? what about my tuition and fees? will my school give me an extension? what about work study? i need to fill out the appropriate paperwork and get them back to my financial aid office. oh yeah, i cant forget to bill for the hours that i worked over the summer that will come out of my fall work study hours. what do we need to get done for the outreach program that my classmate and I are trying to start? who do we need to follow-up with? we need to get student volunteers? we need to complete the grant application? books...i haven’t bought my books yet because i didn’t want to make the same mistake as last year. i bought all the books and i never even used some of them. when will i be able to afford / buy books? how far along into the semester will that be? how is this going to affect me? what 4th year electives do i want to do? i read somewhere that you should work backwards from your residency choice...what residency do i want to do? when will i know? if i wait until 3rd year, will that be too late to secure the 4th year electives that i want? how do i go about deciding which residency i want? a good friend of mine, suggested first to decide if i want to do medicine, surgery or a bit of both. once i know that, then decide on the lifestyle that i want. from there narrow the field. in the end, she recommends letting my lifestyle be the determining factor. can i really do that now? will my grandmother live to see me graduate? will she live to see my white coat ceremony? what would my mother say? what would my sister say? what advice would they give me when trying to make these decisions? the thoughts quickly run through my mind...i don’t seem to linger long enough to fully explore them...and i’m off on another thought. in spite of all this, its as if i can hear the clock ticking in the background...click. what time is it? how long have i been up? i have so much to do tomorrow and at this rate i’m going to be exhausted. where is my dog? is he in the room or the hallway. well i have to go to the bathroom, so i’ll see where he is. he’s downstairs...enjoying the cool breeze coming into the living room. its 4am! i have got to get some sleep. lets hope i get to sleep soon. more so, lets hope this doesn’t happen tomorrow night. classes start on monday, august 18th...unbelievable...its already here. i need to get some sleep...but i can still here the minute hand...click.